


TRACK EIGHT ─ you can't hold my heart

by 00zens



Series: all about luv [8]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Established Relationship, M/M, but it's on good terms, they Tried?, they just need to find the right timing :], this ended up turning kinda soft okay this wasn't supposed to happen, very bittersweet!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00zens/pseuds/00zens
Summary: "tried to drag it out, but we beared it livin',we can let it go now.yeah, there's nothing i can say at all,you can't hold my heart no more."ORin which mark and jaemin got tired of pretending.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Series: all about luv [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670110
Kudos: 19





	TRACK EIGHT ─ you can't hold my heart

**Author's Note:**

> here's fic eight of ten!! it's shorter than i expected, but i hope you like it anyway :]

jaemin wasn’t sure where he had gone wrong. where they had gone wrong.

just weeks ago, he and mark had celebrated their six month anniversary. those months had flown by quickly, filled with plenty of memories that jaemin knew he would cherish forever. they had shared plenty of firsts together, the most prominent being that they were each other’s first serious relationship. jaemin thought that made everything even more special, as they were making their way through unexplored territory together.

actually, if jaemin had to pinpoint exactly when things between them had shifted, he would place it the same week of their six month anniversary. this was the week where they had both been more busy than ever, jaemin meeting deadlines for his photography class while mark was busy in the studio almost daily. 

this resulted in less seeing each other in person, instead having to grow accustomed to a few texts before they disappeared into their own worlds. they almost weren’t able to meet for dinner on their special day, jaemin finding out last minute that his professor was expecting to see what he had finished for his portfolio a week earlier than he thought. luckily, he was able to throw something together and maintain both a good grade and the respect of his teacher.

that night felt off in many different ways, but jaemin was sure he was just being paranoid. mark felt like he was miles away despite him being sat across from jaemin. he wasn’t as talkative and giggly as he usually was on their dates, and he was on his phone a lot. 

it worried jaemin, but once they had gotten back to mark’s apartment, things felt much more normal. they had stayed up almost all night, laughing and talking about anything and everything. jaemin loved nights like these.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

the next possible moment of crisis came the next week, when the couple had their first big argument. 

“i just don’t understand why the hell you can’t take one night off?” mark argued, exasperated. “i don’t have work for the first time in forever and you can’t spare a few hours for me? what do you even do that requires all that time, play around with filters in photoshop until it's pretty enough?”

jaemin stared back at him, his emotionless expression turning into one of pain. “excuse me?”

he was doing his best at being calm, but the last point mark had added was a complete punch to the gut. jaemin knew there were plenty of people out there who didn’t completely understand the art of photography, but he never usually paid much attention to them. for his own boyfriend to criticize his passion─the same person who he had ranted to multiple times about those people and their opinions─ it hurt more than anything.

mark’s face fell instantly as he processed what he said. “wait, jaemin─”

“no,” jaemin whispered, moving back to avoid the embrace mark was attempting to pull him into. “don’t, please.”

“baby, i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry, i just really wanted to spend time with you tonight─” mark stopped mid sentence as he watched a tear slowly fall down jaemin’s cheek. “angel, please.”

jaemin shook his head, letting out a sarcastic laugh. “you’re kidding. you actually have to be joking.”

“you know how badly i wish we could spend more time together, you know how difficult finishing this semester has been for me, and i am sure you remember me showing up at your door at three in the fucking morning, just so we could have a few hours together before i had to go to class.” jaemin spat out as more angry tears made their way down his face.

mark ran a shaky hand through his hair, a heavy sigh falling from his parted lips. “jaemin, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said those things, i swear on my life i didn’t mean it─ i know how you feel about people who say shit like that. that was so wrong of me─ can you please look at me?” the last part came out as a desperate whisper.

jaemin lifted his head, looking at mark with tired eyes. “can you leave? i have things due tonight.”

“promise we can talk tomorrow? please?” mark pleaded, eyes glossing over. jaemin sighed, nodding.

“mark, just get out before we say more things we don’t mean.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

that night was when the real performance began. 

they did end up talking the next morning. it took mark a few more days to fully get jaemin’s forgiveness, but he was relieved to feel an atmosphere that was less tense when they talked.

despite this, they both felt the complete shift their relationship had taken, and they chose to ignore it.

weeks passed, and their friends planned a short weekend trip─ a spontaneous idea jisung had once he heard they all had time off from school and work. it was going well, they had been out all day finding different places in the city to visit before going back to their motel to have a small party there.

so there they all were─ dispersed randomly in mark and jaemin’s shared room, giggling at whatever show was playing on the tv. it was almost two in the morning and they were slightly tipsy, having stopped by a convenience store a few hours prior for snacks and drinks.

“hey,” renjun poked at jaemin’s thigh. “are you and mark okay? i feel like you guys aren’t even looking at each other, it’s weird.”

jaemin let out a forced laugh in response. “yeah, i think.”

renjun rose an eyebrow at that, tilting his head in confusion. “you think? did something happen?”

a familiar sting settled itself in jaemin’s eyes. he had always been an emotional drunk─ despite him not really being drunk now. “i don’t know.”

abruptly, renjun stood. “okay boys, it’s late. we should all go to bed, so we don’t miss our train tomorrow.”

the room objected loudly at this, causing renjun to roll his eyes. “shut up, let’s go.”

the boys all shuffled out reluctantly, greeting mark and jaemin a goodnight before the door closed behind them.

now, it was just them two, sitting on opposite sides of the room in silence. jaemin’s phone went off, a text from renjun displaying itself on the screen. “talk to him.”

jaemin frowned, unsure if he wanted to listen or not. mark seemed to sense that jaemin’s mood was off, being the first to speak.

“is everything okay?”

jaemin’s head shot up, eyes moving from his phone to mark. he shrugged. “are you sober enough to talk?” mark just nodded in response, an anxious feeling bubbling in his stomach.

“come, sit.” jaemin patted the empty space next to him on the bed, hands shaking. mark obeyed, walking slowly before placing himself in front of jaemin, hands reaching out to hold the younger’s.

jaemin complied, letting mark hold his smaller hands gently. they both stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say.

“i’m gonna be honest,” mark chuckled softly, avoiding eye contact. “i don’t feel too good about this conversation.”

all jaemin could do was send a weak smile in response, a silent form of confirmation for his words.

“i think─” jaemin whispered. “i think that i’m tired? tired of pretending we’re okay, when we both know we aren’t. we haven’t been okay for weeks, and it’s getting really fucking exhausting pretending that we are.” he spoke more clearly.

the circles mark was tracing into his skin disappeared completely as he processed jaemin’s words. he finally looked up to meet the younger’s eyes, heart breaking as he saw that jaemin was slowly starting to cry.

“we tried really hard. that’s important, right?” jaemin laughed bitterly. “i wish it didn’t have to come to this.”

mark blinked causing his first tear to fall, triggering the rest. he dropped his head, body shaking lightly as he tried to control his breathing. jaemin separated their hands to bring mark into his arms, pulling him into an embrace. 

they sat in that position in silence, the only noise in the room being whatever show that was playing on the tv. jaemin rested his head onto mark’s shoulder, closing his eyes as he processed that the moment he had been anticipating for a long time was finally here.

mark spoke into jaemin’s shoulder, the sentence coming out muffled and inaudible.

“what was that?” jaemin asked softly, slowly removing himself from mark. the older just clung to him tighter, lifting his head slightly so jaemin could understand what he was trying to say.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t be better for you.”

jaemin frowned at the statement, shaking his head. “you were the best you could be, angel. i think, maybe it’s just not our time right now. we’re too busy, life gets in the way. if you really wanna date me that bad,” he began to joke. “maybe ask me again in the future.”

mark couldn’t help but laugh at jaemin’s words, letting go of the boy to look at him. he brought his arms up to place his hands on the back of jaemin’s head, thumb rubbing softly on his neck. jaemin watched as mark’s eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips, and back up to his eyes.

the younger smiled before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of mark’s mouth. mark whined, “hey, if we’re gonna have a sappy goodbye kiss, can we at least do it right?”

jaemin rolled his eyes. “bossy as always.”

mark giggled before leaning in again to capture jaemin’s lips in a proper kiss. this one felt different─ understandably so. though it was packed with a million emotions that the two boys couldn’t name, the usual fluttery feeling in their stomachs never made an appearance. 

they pulled away slowly, foreheads resting on each others. 

“i love you always, you know that?” jaemin whispered. mark opened his eyes and sat up straight just in time to watch another tear fall down the younger’s face.

“hey,” he wiped it away softly. “i love you. we’re gonna be okay.”

jaemin gave his best attempt at a smile, pressing one last kiss to mark’s forehead before shifting. 

“i know we just broke up or whatever, but you’re not making me sleep on the floor, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> aaand there it was :( this was originally supposed to be renmin... not sure which would hurt more. i hope you enjoyed reading! feel free to leave kudos and comments !! my twitter is @renminsung, you can find my cc link there too :] see u next week !!


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